You Should Have Been You - Is There Anyone Better?

I was thinking about a story my mom once told me. She is such a great storyteller. The important details are never left out. If she’s really into it, which is most of the time, you get voice impersonations that are usually on point! It really is an experience, and I love it. I won’t go into detail about this particular story, but it was about the consequences of regret. Too often we stress over our regrets and things we should have done. I should have gone to school here. I should have moved there. I should have pursued this. I should have been that. It can be an endless inner struggle. Quite honestly, we are sometimes guilty of bringing upon many of the unnecessary struggles in our lives.

 I can’t tell you how many times I have thought to myself how different I would be if my life had been filled with different experiences. I don’t want to change everything. I just want some parts of it to have led me down different paths in some areas. Is it so bad to want to go back and choose a different door? It’s common, right? You see a movie or look at an old photo and say to yourself, “What if…? If I could go back and say yes… If I could go back and answer the questions differently… If I could just see how it felt to… Before we know it, we are spiraling down the path of should’ve, “could’ve, would’ve. And where does this lead us? Well, it leads to the land of sorrow. We are sorry we just didn’t choose differently, and we want a chance to go back and make it “right.” Will changing the past make things right?

Pause. Check Yourself, Girl! While there are no “do-overs” in life, there are new opportunities. Don’t waste away on could have, would have or should have. No matter what anyone says, you can start something new or finish something you’ve already started whenever you like. That’s the trick! Start or begin again, not do over. Harping over past decisions causes heartache and grief. Although it’s been said a million times, I am going to say it again. You cannot change the past. Don’t lose out on the great things you’ve learned and gained on your current path worrying about the path not taken. Even further, stop worrying about whether or not you should have taken the same route as your friends, your family or those people you “follow.” It is not always about how you arrive. At the end of it all, the most important thing is that you arrive at yourself and as yourself. 

 I think what my mom was trying to tell me was the “what ifs” could never replace the current gifts. We often think that we would have had better experiences or better outcomes. What we never think about is all we have gained on the paths we did choose. A different path may not have given us all of the people in our lives that we so dearly love. A different path may have given us experiences that have shaped the people we are today. A different school, a different town, a different job-not one could replace the road to our current selves in our current lives living our current dreams. No matter how you get there or how long it takes, all roads lead to you. You should have been you.