Friendship Status - Are You Tending to Your Relationships?
After what seemed like forever, I finally made an appointment for nail service at my favorite salon. Actually, it wasn’t just the pandemic that kept me away; I had been there a few times since it began. It was more so that I just fell into a mode where I could not bring myself to do a whole lot of extra on my behalf. If it was not a required appointment, I did not bother. My new routine required me to do little for myself on the personal end. Taking the time to schedule appointments and actually attend them was a real chore. Generally speaking, appointments give me anxiety, but we’re not here to talk about that. The only appointments I cared about were my retightening appointments because my locs would be ruined otherwise. Aside from that, NADA! NOTHING!
At any rate, when I made the appointment, one of the owners, Madame A, was very elated to hear my voice. This made me feel good because she and I always had such pleasant conversations. At each visit she made it a point to spend some time chatting it up with me while I was being serviced. Our conversations felt genuine and not forced. No matter who else was in the salon, she made it a priority to check on me. During my recent appointment, I was greeted with the standard pleasantries from the other ladies in the salon. And, as usual, Madame A came over to chat with me. It was as if we never skipped a beat or like I had not been away for months at all. At some point during the conversation, she told me that she really was happy to hear from me. She said that with everything going on, she and her daughter worried whether or not their customers were okay. Hearing my voice and then seeing my face was a relief. She now had confirmation that I was still in the land of the living. Wow! I hadn’t realized that I mattered that much.
Pause. Check Yourself, Girl! You can never be too busy or too nonchalant to check in and let people know you are okay. Not only that, how has neglecting your self-care appointments worked out for you? Well, that’s another story, but the bottom line is this behavior is unacceptable! So many times we leave relationships without first discussing it with those we leave behind. In some instances, we leave because of hurt or frustration, but other times, we leave because we don’t know how to value people enough to know that our leaving matters. I did not at all think it was a big deal that I had not made an appointment or reached out in months-during a pandemic at that.
Although Madame A did not provide my services when I visited, we built a relationship. Even if it was small, it was one worth respecting. I disrespected our relationship by not reaching out to say, “I’m okay. I hope all is well. How are you?” Whether it’s the barista who makes your coffee, the cashier who patiently scans your coupons or your favorite salon owner, they deserve to know you are still alive and kicking. I did not understand how selfish it was to just walk away and leave Madame A in limbo, not knowing if I was upset about my last service or if I was still here at all. Not only was I too busy to take time for self-care, but I was also too busy to tend to my relationships. Not every friendship is born over twenty years or over all night tears. Some develop when we’re not even paying attention. I hadn’t paid attention to what Madame A and I had developed. And although we didn’t go on lunch dates or spend hours on the phone gossiping, what we built was important and worth tending to.