Dragging the Bags of Others – Can Friends Take a Day Off?

I was talking to my sister on the phone the other day. We were gossiping and laughing about a host of things. He said, she said so on and so forth, all between giggles. Somewhere in the middle of the conversation I started rambling about a recent incident that thoroughly agitated me. She listened with an “un huh, un huh” here and there for about ten minutes. Just as I was getting deeper into my escapade, I received another call. After clicking over for about thirty seconds, I came back to her and asked, “Now what was I saying?” Silence. Dead silence! Now my feelings could have been hurt, but I howled with laughter because she couldn’t tell me what the hell I was ranting about. I was okay with that because I had been on the other end.

 Time and time again, I have listened to people go on and on about their problems and what not, all while trying to keep my own life in order. I have struggled many times trying to be a listening ear even though my mind was going crazy with something I had going on. I have visited places and people even when I had a bag of my own issues waiting for me at the door. Yes, I am talking about being “THE Bag Lady.” Oftentimes, we stretch ourselves even though we need to make things right for and within ourselves. If not, we wouldn’t be considered as good friends, right?

 Pause. Check yourself, girl! You can’t be everything for everyone all of the time, not even some of the time. Although we really want to be regarded as that friend who is always there, no matter what, we sometimes find ourselves so knee deep in our own shit that we just cannot make it happen. This does not mean you are not a good friend. It means that you are a careful friend. You have to care enough about the both of you to know when you can’t do it and stay sane. That’s important!

 We must accept that people are not always in a position or mindset to come to our rescue. Showing up for someone is not as easy as most people want to believe, even when the expectation is that we only need to be there to listen. Attempting to “listen” when you are going through something yourself can make you feel as though you are drowning. Their words go from Charlie Brown’s mom’s muffled voice over the phone to the sound of the waves as they swallow you up. Torture! How is this good for either of you? I am not saying that your life has to be peaches and cream in order for you to be there for your friends. I am saying you need to know, and so do they, when you need to be the one who leans and not the shelf. Maybe even more important is knowing when to say, “Girl, not today.” Trust me on this one. Your “friends” will totally understand.

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Truth Be Told – Whose Reality Is It?

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To Like or Not To Like - Do I Need Permission to Check Myself?