Are you Angry or Hurt? There is a Difference

There is nothing more fulfilling than having someone perform a personal service for you that leaves you feeling like your money and time were well spent. In the past, I have had many experiences where I felt like I should have just stayed at home. The actual services were poor and those providing them were unwelcoming, unpolished and unprofessional. I vowed to never spend my money wherever nor whenever I was feeling unsatisfied. So I was overly excited when I settled into a salon where I was completely happy. I was happy with the physical environment, the services received and the service providers. It was a win all the way around. With the exception of the COVID-19 shutdown, I was faithful. No matter what, there I was spending lots of money on bi-weekly nail services. This went on for over two years before my bubble was burst-loudly!

I believed that I’d built a special bond with the ladies, especially the owner and her mother. We’ll refer to the later as Madame L. They were overly nice and always inquired about my family; they’d met and serviced my family members too. I had never had anyone providing a service go out of their way to check in on me the way they had. I really enjoyed how Madame L would come over and catch up with me about what was going on in her life and what I’d been into. I thought we were good. It felt like we were good. Whenever I called, she made certain that I was tended to. She’d move things around so that I could be serviced. I will never forget how upset she was when I didn’t reach out during the COVID-19 shutdown. All she wanted to know was that I was okay, and I appreciated that. So, I ignored it when they hired someone new to fulfill her role, and it became harder for me to get appointments. The shop had gotten pretty popular and the techs were always busy. Because the new receptionist did not know me nor have a “relationship’ with me the way Madame L did, she didn’t know how to accommodate me. Or so I told myself.

After having a difficult time getting an appointment, I was told there would only be time to provide me with one service. I told myself that once I arrived and they saw who I was, they’d make arrangements. This was not the case. Upon my arrival, the new receptionist politely reminded me that there was only time for one service. I chose nails because I must have my designs. It’s expected. Once the owner and Madame L saw me and went over the top with their usual greetings, I just knew provisions would be made. So, I settled in for my appointment only to have the new receptionist waltz over and stop the nail tech mid-prep to tell me, in a tone, “There is not enough time for designs. I told you there was only a small window for your appointment.” Excuse me? Is this really real? It was so real and so foul the nail tech’s bones rattled. Even she was in disbelief at how I was spoken to and the interruption of my appointment. What was worse was that Madame L, my girl, my friend, stood by and did not intervene. In fact, she walked away so as not to be around when the news was given to me by the receptionist. Thank God for masks because…Because I don’t know if I was going to laugh, cry, curse or what. 

 I sat silently through the remainder of my hurried appointment. I was dumbfounded. There was an awkward silence between the nail tech and me, who kept apologizing because she didn’t understand there not being time to service me. I kept telling myself to scream out-to say something. I kept thinking how I should cause a scene and argue with the receptionist, but I couldn’t. I did not understand why, but I just could not. Surely I was angry enough to do something more.

PAUSE. Check Yourself, Girl! There is a difference between being angry and being hurt. When you trust people to be consistently good to you, it hurts when they are not. Setting off a raging storm in the nail salon wouldn’t make me feel any less HURT. Anger is what sets people off. I was not angry. When you are angry, you tell people where they can go and the fastest way to get there. Hurt doesn’t manifest in that way. Hurt cripples you and leaves you painfully silent. I was painfully silent. I felt painfully betrayed.

Some will not understand why I was so hurt. I didn’t even understand it until after the fact. One reason I was hurt was because the decision to not accommodate me was not really about time but the result of trying to accommodate someone the receptionist thought was more fitting of the nail tech’s time. But that is another issue. What hurt me the most was that I felt the relationship I thought we had should have prompted someone, especially Madame L, to come over and apologize to me-a longstanding, faithful customer. Had either of them made their way over to offer me some words that resembled an “I’m sorry”, I know I would have been okay. But to know that Madame L knew what was happening and chose to walk away was what crushed me. Judging from the tone of the receptionist, she did not feel that I was important enough to speak to me in a different manner. It was like she immediately took a certain stance with me because she was expecting me, and anyone of my kind, to respond differently. So what if I was a faithful customer. I was someone who was looked at as deserving of the disrespectful tone in which I was given. 

I walked away knowing I would never return. I did not just lose a salon, I lost a relationship. Like closing any relationship, when it ends you have to start over. It seems trivial, but finding the right fit, even with salons, takes time. I am still not angry, and I am slowly moving away from that hurt. What helps me is knowing the difference between the two and understanding how to properly manage that difference.