“Your fear of looking stupid is holding you back.” I came across this quote while doing my usual scrolling, trolling or whatever you want to call it. I felt like I had been stung by a bee. Was this written for and directed at me? I was taking this way too personally. I had to read it about ten times before I could settle down and figure out why it came across my timeline at this moment. What can I say? This really hit home. 

 I will never forget having a crush on a sophomore during my freshman year in high school. He was preppy, had a fly high-top fade and was F-I-N-E fine! I thought he was the beginning and the end. To my big surprise, he noticed me too. It was just like in a fairytale. We attempted to date, but he wanted something I could not give. He wanted me to express how I felt about him and be more forward, but I just could not do it. Plus, dude, I was only fourteen!  He eventually told me that my inability to speak up would cause me miss out on a lot of things in life. A kid, a fifteen-year old kid told me how my life might be if I didn’t make some changes. Okay! What he did not know was that my real fear was feeling or looking stupid. 

 My fear of rejection or looking some kind of way outweighed any feelings I had for him. Being shy did not hold me back from anything. The fear of looking or sounding like a foolish did. Over the years, I came to realize that I never wanted this guy or anyone else to think any particular way about me because of something I did or said in expression of myself. So, not saying or doing won, even if it meant we’d break apart. I could never step out and do anything uncomfortable or that would compromise how I might look. I needed to be safe.

 Pause. Check yourself, girl! It’s okay to put yourself out there when you are feeling passionate about a thing or a person. You also can’t bring dreams into reality without taking chances. This process doesn’t always look pretty. Looking stupid only applies to those who are sitting idly while judging the actions others. Looking or being stupid means wanting something and not going for it. It means being capable of having something and not taking it. It is having ideas and not implementing them. It means sitting back watching people take action while you sit and dream about it. People who create the life they want do so without any thoughts of how they might look while doing it. You do not and cannot look stupid when you want something or someone and you not only tell yourself to go for it, but you actually “go for it!”

 We all know that we are our own toughest critics. What some of us don’t know is that we also create our greatest obstacles. Even at the very young age of fourteen I was afraid of being unsuccessful in a relationship. Being free with my feelings meant that I could potentially look stupid. I have missed out on countless opportunities out of fear of looking stupid. Simply put, I was more worried about how I would look if I failed than how I would look and feel if I succeeded. There isn’t a need for people to stop us from doing or getting anything. We do this ourselves. It isn’t WHAT holds us back. It’s WHO. Is the who you?