Some years ago, I went shoe shopping with one of my sisters. I have always had a great love for shoes, so this was one of my favorite things to do. I went through a phase where I would leave with three to four pairs each time. I usually had a hard time choosing just one pair, so I would convince myself to just take them all. This particular day I could not choose between a pair of shoes that came in two different colors. I didn’t necessarily want two pairs of the same shoe, not even in a different color. That was then. Now, if I like them and they’re in my size, I’m getting all colors. As I was trying to decide, I noticed two young ladies talking and having a good time. I immediately got the idea to ask them since they were the only other black girls in the store. My sister was no help. Plus, the young ladies looked as though they were enjoying this outing just as much as my sister and I were. So, they were the perfect ones to ask for advice.

I strolled over with one of each of the two colors on my feet and excitedly asked for their opinions on which I should purchase. I could have died when one of them responded with, “Personally, I don’t care for either.” Then she matter-of-factly rolled her eyes and turned back to her conversation. Phwat? Um, okay! If her goal was to make me feel small, she succeeded. In fact, I felt so small I think I actually tried to crawl into one of the size five shoe boxes I was holding. Ouch, girl! Yeah, she really hit me with that one. My sister was just as speechless. I mean, who does that? Why do we take joy in making other women feel small? Or should the question be, why do we take every opportunity to make ourselves seem “above” other women? We have to feel bigger and more important even in a conversation about shoes. I left the store with the shoe of my choosing feeling like, “Damn!” I should have cut her up. She didn’t deserve to walk away feeling like she’d “one upped me.” I should have put her in her place.

Pause. Check Yourself, Girl! Don’t get caught up in anyone’s personal battles. It was her goal to shit all over someone, anyone that day. The fight she was trying to start had nothing to do with anyone but herself. The only thing worth walking away with that day was a good laugh. After my sister and I got over the shock of her nasty response, we nearly killed ourselves as we doubled over with laughter. I think we laughed even harder at the thought of someone attempting to cause hurt and harm to a perfect stranger in an attempt to make themselves feel high and mighty. The extent to which people will go to make you feel dismissed is ridiculous.

The feeling of being dismissed only lasted for a second. I quickly picked up my face and my shoes and exited stage left. What I felt most was disappointment. Why did I let her bother me? I didn’t even know her, and she surely didn’t know me. Asking a stranger for their opinion about anything related to your personal tastes is a set up. I definitely should have known better. Still, I was only asking the chick which color. I didn’t ask her if she liked them, nor did I ask whether or not they were worthy of purchasing. The more I think about it, the more I believe that it didn’t matter what I’d asked her. I would have been met with the same disdain. The point and obvious question is-what’s wrong with being gentle with other women? We are not enemies. In spite of what the world may have us believe about each other, it’s okay for women to make nice and get along.