While watching television one night, I heard someone say, “Shame prevents us from getting the help we need.” I felt like I was dropped into a 1960s episode of Batman. BING, POW, KABLAM, BOOM!!! The resonation was strong. Punched me smack in the face with a dose of reality. Then a current situation reminded me that I didn’t need to time travel to feel the effects of those ultra, dramatic blows. I had just engaged in a short conversation with someone who was having trouble completing a task. I suggested that this person ask someone whom had been successful at the very thing with which they were experiencing difficulty. Silly me! I went from vintage Batman to that foolish little rabbit who never quite seemed to get that “Tricks are for kids.” Surely, I was being very foolish for making that suggestion. Why is it so difficult to ask others for help? Why does reaching out when in need cause us to feel shame?

That word shame is a real killer. It’s a killer of hopes, dreams, destinies and destinations. The answers and blessings can be within our grasps, but we won’t allow ourselves to reach out and grab them. We just can’t allow others to know or see that we are in need of help. Just a simple push, nudge or nod from another can get us there. Gosh, girl! If “pulling myself up by my bootstraps” were a person, she’d be you. But, that’s not always necessary. It’s not even always an option. Yet, we kill ourselves trying to do it. I get it. It not only sounds good to make our own way, but it feels damn good too. We feel as though we are more successful when we can say we did it ourselves.

PAUSE. Check Yourself Girl! There is nothing wrong with asking for help. When you need assistance, you definitely should seek it. I can go on and on about how we need to humble ourselves and just ask for it, big or small, but I am not going there this time. Instead, I want to focus on the flip side. Not only is it okay to ask for help, but it is also okay to offer it. Think about it. How have we presented ourselves to others, from family to everyday acquaintances? Are we people others want to ask for anything? Before we ask others to chasten themselves and just ask, how about we open ourselves to being asked. Just because someone may need something at some point doesn’t mean they are not working hard. What ever happened to uplifting the community? I know it’s hard for some of us to help others when we feel like we’ve worked so hard to get what we have or to get where we are. Our sentiment has become, “They should just work harder. No one helped me.” But, is this really the answer? Actually, someone, somewhere, at some point has helped you, intentionally or not and whether you “remember” or not. I’ll let you think about that. 

 People work hard every day. And yes, you have worked hard to be where you are in life. Doing for others will not change that. This is not about giving handouts. It’s more about building community. No woman is an island. Frankly, I don’t care to be. It’s so much nicer being a part of and contributing to the “main.” Imagine that! Asking, helping, giving, receiving- thriving TOGETHER. I am my sister’s keeper. Are you?