I recently received some great news from a dear friend. I am over the top happy because she deserves the best, and there is nothing more joyous than watching the people you love succeed. In the moments after I learned of the good news, I learned something about myself. Not only did what I learn apply to me, but it applies to so many people and their situations as well. In the initial moments of hearing my friend’s good news, I had a moment. I couldn’t help but say to myself, “What about me? This is the news I want for myself.” Just as quickly as I had those thoughts, they were even more quickly overshadowed by the overwhelming feeling of happiness for my friend. This moment was hers and not mine. 

I’ve seen this story played out over and over again. I have seen people take the news of someone’s accomplishments and turn it into anger and criticism. I have even witnessed people falling into deep depression because they continue to live in someone else’s moments. It really is strange how people can take something meant for someone else and use it to measure their own failures and successes. They do this all while missing the opportunity to celebrate and love on others.

PAUSE. Check Yourself, Girl! Stop inserting yourself in someone else’s story, dream or accomplishment. The more you place yourself in someone else’s moments of joy, the further you move away from not only celebrating them, but also putting energy into completing your own goals. While we say we are rooting for others, we are really sometimes finding ways to downplay their accomplishments because we have not yet reached or ushered our own into fruition. Your story cannot develop because you are so busy attempting to edit someone else’s. 

Being happy for others can be hard when you are not or do not know how to be happy for yourself. Most times, we do not even recognize that we do not know how to support the endeavors or journeys of others because we are so busy trying to stuff ourselves into the picture. No one is suggesting that you dull your shine, but take the light off of yourself for a moment, look around and breathe. While we must continue to work on our own goals, we must also know how to step back and see what is going on with the people in our lives. You are creating a horrible space for yourself by making other people’s wins about you. Stop giving people that dry “I’m so happy for you” speech. It’s so obvious when you are not.

Turning off the “but me” button takes experience. That’s why it was so easy for me to quickly snap out of it and give my friend the attention, support, love and accolades she so deserves. I was not always there, but I learned to separate what I want for myself from what I want for those I love. I have been in so many situations where I did not understand why people changed up on me. Even after I learned that peoples’ actions rarely have anything to do with me and more to do with them, I still did not get it. Do yourself a favor you will not regret. Free yourself from trying to play the starring role in a movie not written for you. You cannot become a Picasso if you are wishing you were holding his paintbrush. While admiring his work and giving him his propers, continue to utilize your own canvas that sits on the easel with your name on it.