While vacationing, I was sitting near a group of ladies who were enjoying life kid and spouse free. Their conversation started off by thanking God there were no children at the pool. They moved on to a conversation about traveling with the kids then on to giving other advice. There was one in the group who obviously had not traveled with her family. Her friends were eager to tell her the dos and don’ts about family travel, which was cool because we can all use some tips and tricks for better travel, especially when it comes to children. The conversation suddenly moved to the ladies making comments about what their friend who hadn’t traveled with her family should be doing in her life and with her finances. Although they thought they were giving “sisterly” advice, they were being pretty harsh about some of the decisions she was making with her finances and her children. First off, children are off limits! Second, I could tell the lady was becoming very uncomfortable. Why couldn’t they? Did her feelings not matter?

They went on and on about how she was, essentially, doing HER life wrong. The one giving most of the “advice” was, from what I could observe, the one who thought she was the Crème de la crème of the group. Her mannerisms told it all. She had plenty to say about her friend’s decisions. It was awful. She was basically dismissing her friend’s way of living her life, raising her children, handling her finances and being a wife to her husband. Tragic! Is that what friends are for? 

PAUSE. Check Yourself, Girl! Whatever the HELL you and your partner have worked out in YOUR household is YOUR business. I am so over the friend who has all her shit together, well at least in her mind, who wants to tell you what the hell you are doing wrong. Bee-otch please! No one wants unsolicited, unsavory advice from a sister or friend who isn’t interested in helping you grow.  

Let me not be misunderstood. I love girlfriend talk. We all do. “Gone On Girls” are our opportunity to share with sisters and friends what’s going on in our lives. However, I don’t think any of us want to do so at the expense of taking shots to the heart. Like, don’t dump on me. The ladies at the pool had the perfect opportunity to give their sister-friend tools that could help her flourish. Instead, they flung daggers. This type of a girlfriend scene is not familiar to me. Fortunately, no matter what is going on, I can count on the fact that there will be no going out of the way to hurt each other in my sister circle. People say that the truth hurts, but there is a difference between a truth that stings conversation and a “bitch let me bring you down a peg or two” talk. Not only is it not sisterly but it isn’t helpful either. Shouldn’t helping those you care about be the goal? Well, here’s my unsolicited, sisterly, friendly advice. Spend your time with people who seek to nurture your growth. Any other situation is not in the game plan and out of the question.